


Crashing

by krissingsoo (foggynelson)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 07:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3886744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foggynelson/pseuds/krissingsoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joonmyeon has always had a crush on his straight best friend, Yifan. He doesn't want to. And meeting Chanyeol, who is sweet and cute and not a total dick, might be Joonmyeon's way out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crashing

**Author's Note:**

> Another one of my favourite pieces I wrote previously that I'm moving over here. Written for my best friend [Tina](http://yeoljas.tumblr.com/).

Joonmyeon has always been scared of heights - so agreeing to go on the ferris wheel with his best friend, Yifan, really shows how much he cares for the other boy. It doesn’t help, though, when all Yifan is doing is talking about some new kid in his classes. “He’s tall like me, Joonmyeon. It’s really cool. He’s pretty hot, too, actually.”

“I thought you liked girls, Yifan.”

“I do,” his friend says with feigned offense. “I can still find him hot. I’m looking out for you, bro. Since you can’t date me, you might as well date the next best thing.”

“You are such an ass.”

“You’re just upset because you want my ass and can’t have it.” Joonmyeon rolls his eyes upset over the fact Yifan is a little bit right. Joonmyeon has always had a bit of a crush on his best friend. He’s hot, tall, funny, and nice to Joonmyeon. It’s not surprising he fell for him; it’s just sucks that he’s straight. Joonmyeon is used to it, though, this falling for boys that will never like him back because he has a dick. He’s used to it; it just sucks.

“I bet the new kid is straight anyway, Yifan,” Joonmyeon replies after a minute of silence. “I don’t want to like straight boys.”

“You can’t just keep dragging me to gay bars and hooking up with random dudes twice your age, Joonmyeon. It’s getting unhealthy.”

“I’ve only done that twice!” Joonmyeon replies, his voice loud. He wonders how well the people in the other seats can here - do they now know all about Joonmyeon’s sex life? 

“True and the other times you pretend I’m your boyfriend so you can get away from the creeps.”

Joonmyeon turns to his friend and flashes a smile. “You are a pretty good friend, Yifan. Thanks.”

Yifan chuckles. “Are you just realizing that now?” He wraps his arm around his friend and Joonmyeon leans his head on the boy’s chest. Yifan really is a great friend. He’s had friends in the past that, while they didn’t hate him for being gay or anything, they didn’t want to touch him - as if his gayness would spread, like some kind of disease. Yifan was never once like that, always willing to hug Joonmyeon, his shoulder always available for Joonmyeon to rest his head.

They stay like this for the next few trips around until they hit the top and Yifan says, “Oh! There’s Chanyeol, right over there.” Joonmyeon opens his eyes and looks in the direction Yifan is pointing.

“Next to Jongin?” Yifan nods. Joonmyeon swallows deep. The boy is far off, but from what Joonmyeon can see, he is as Yifan said - hot. His hair is a light brown and longish, falling in front of his eyes (which are hidden behind glasses. Joonmyeon watches as he smiles and laughs at something Jongin says and Joonmyeon feels something in his stomach - this kind of fear he had felt when he first got on the ferris wheel. He had been feeling better, safer, and he turns towards Yifan who is smiling and then calls out, “Chanyeol!” as loud as he can.

There is no response so Yifan tries again, his voice louder and right in Joonmyeon’s ears. The smaller boy covers his and scowls over at his friend. But this time Yifan is successful and Chanyeol is waving at the other boy, a big smile on his face. Joonmyeon feels that fear again, eating him away, as it looks like Chanyeol is smiling at him. He knows he’s smiling at Yifan, but Joonmyeon just wants this new boy to smile at him - and only him.

 

When Chanyeol and Yifan hug, Joonmyeon feels jealous. He’s not sure if he’s jealous because Chanyeol is hugging his best friend or because he wants to be hugging Chanyeol himself. He feels like he’s back on that ferris wheel, his stomach going ‘round and ‘round in circles. Yifan introduces him and Joonmyeon stutters a hello - but Chanyeol doesn’t notice, instead turning his attention to Yifan and talking about the classes they have in common.

Jongin’s there, standing awkwardly to the side. Joonmyeon wants to say hello - they used to be pretty good friends but had grown apart long ago. But he doesn’t want to sit here in silence and watch as the two talk, bright, adamant, smiling. It was making Joonmyeon feel even worse.

Thankfully, Jongin speaks first: “You thirsty?” Joonmyeon’s not, but he nods. Jongin smiles and the two walk off towards the bubble tea cart. Jongin pays for Joonmeyon’s without any hesitation and Joonmyeon gives a weak smile. “Sorry,” Jongin mutters a minute later, the two sitting down atop a bench over by the cart.

Joonmyeon looks up, his mouth wrapped around the straw, his eyes wide. “What for?” he asks once his mouth is free.

“You know what. Do I really have to say it?” Jongin mumbles and signs. Joonmyeon nods - he does know, although it’s surprising to him that Jongin is telling him this - admitting that he’s sorry. Jongin was always nice, but he was always proud, too.

“It’s cool,” Joonmyeon says even though it’s not. It’s not okay but what else can Joonmyeon do? Jongin is apologizing and trying to be nice and he did buy him bubble tea. It was years ago, too, and so Joonmyeon just smiles before turning his attention back towards his drink.

“We cool?” Joonmyeon nods. “Thanks dude. I’ve missed you.” Jongin reaches over, lightly punching Joonmyeon’s chest, which startles him. Jongin hasn’t touched him in years and, well, the touch is weird, very surprising - even more so when Jongin doesn’t flinch when Joonmyeon punches him back.

“Let’s see if Chanyeol and Yifan are done ignoring us,” Joonmyeon comments, his voice more bitter than he had planned it being. Jongin doesn’t seem to notice, only nods as they jump off the bench and walk back towards their friends.

“How do you know Chanyeol?” Joonmyeon asks as they walk.

“We actually went to elementary school together before he moved away. Found out he was moving back here and so we kind of got connected again. It was cool, but weird since it’d been so long since I last saw him, ya know? I mean, people change a lot over a ten year period.”

Joonmyeon nods, wondering what Chanyeol was like as a kid. He wonders what Jongin was like, too, having met the kid when he was fourteen - which, in some ways, is still a kid. They arrive back by Chanyeol and Yifan (who is currently laughing at something Chanyeol had just said). Yifan turns towards Joonmyeon and says, “Where’d you go?” He notices the drink and then says, “You gonna share?”

Sighing, Joonmyeon nods and hands it over. Yifan smiles before taking a drink. The problem with Yifan being as big as he is is he tends to take more than his share of things - so when Yifan hands the drink back, it’s almost gone but Joonmyeon only sighs as response.

“I was just telling Chanyeol that we were going to that party later. It’s cool if they come with, yeah?” Once more Joonmyeon just nods, not sure what to say. What can he say? No? I think I might be attracted to Chanyeol and the best thing for me would to be to stay away from him? Jongin will be coming too, he reminds himself. It’s a bit of a consolidation. 

The part that, really, Joonmyeon is most excited about is leaving the carnival - once they’re gone, Yifan can’t guilt trip him into riding the ferris wheel again. But he doesn’t like how Yifan wraps his arm around Chanyeol; he doesn’t like how well it works, their heights so similar, made for each other. Joonmyeon sighs and follows in relative silence.

 

There are lots of reasons Joonmyeon isn’t a fan of parties. Oh Sehun parties are the worst, though, music always too loud and everyone far too drunk within the first ten minutes. And Joonmyeon doesn’t drink. No one seems to understand why - partially because Joonmyeon doesn’t really have a reason. He just doesn’t drink.

So while everyone is being crazy, Joonmyeon is leaning up against the back wall, watching. Normally Yifan would be by Joonmyeon’s side for the first part of the party before going off and getting shit-faced himself, but not today. Yifan and Chanyeol are close, talking, each drinking with Joonmyeon suspects is their third beer. 

Not that Joonmyeon is jealous. Or, if he is, it’s because he doesn’t have his best friend with him. Joonmyeon has no idea where Jongin is either, and while he knows a large number of the people here, he doesn’t know any of them well enough that he feels he can talk to them. So instead here he stands, alone, the music far too loud in his ears, and his heart aching just a bit (but not because of Chanyeol, he tells himself once more).

When Yifan comes over ten minutes later, Joonmyeon can tell he’s drunk just by the stupid grin on his face. He reaches out and grabs hold of Joonmyeon and says, his words slurred, “Dance with me!” Joonmyeon chuckles, shaking his head, but he lets Yifan pull him to the dance floor anyway. Of course, it’s halfway through the first song that Yifan spots a pretty girl and ditches Joonmyeon. He doesn’t feel as bad when he notices that at least it’s Sooyeon (who Yifan has been in love with for years and still hasn’t done anything about).

Joonmyeon makes his way off the dance floor and back to his wall. He watches Yifan and Sooyeon dance - they’re both a little awkward, but Sooyeon is smiling at Kris which, in and of itself, is a big deal. And Joonmyeon is happy that his friend is having fun - he’s happy, but he has absolutely no desire to stay at the party any longer.

He looks around and tries to spot Jongin, thinking he might as well say goodbye. He’d say goodbye to Sehun, too, since it’s his party, but he knows Sehun is probably too busy hooking up with someone in one of the upstairs bedrooms. He spots Jongin talking to Chanyeol and Joonmyeon rolls his eyes before heading over. He’s sick of this Chanyeol kid. Sick of his nice face with his gorgeous smile. Joonmyeon is very, very sick of it all. 

Jongin smiles brightly at Joonmyeon when he sees him and that makes Joonmyeon feel a bit better. He puts his hand on his shoulder and says, “I’m gonna head out. Not really my scene, ya know?” he adds with a laugh.

“No, it’s totally your scene!” Jongin slurs out, waving his arms around, the drink in his cup sloshing around and almost spilling out of the cup. “Come closer,” Jongin says, beckoning at Joonmyeon. When he’s close, Jongin says, “Sehun hooks up with boys now, too! He’ll give you a handjob if you want.” Jongin proceeds to giggle and then whispers, “He’ll touch your penis!” before giggling even more.

Joonmyeon just shakes his head. This is news to him but not any that interests him. Sehun isn’t exactly a bad person, but Joonmyeon is not even remotely attracted to him. And while in some sense it would definitely be nicer to have Sehun’s hands be the one’s working his cock instead of his own, Joonmyeon doesn’t have any real desire to be with Sehun.

And Joonmyeon knows why. And he hates it. He smiles at Jongin before saying, “I think I’ll pass on Sehun.”

Joonmyeon is about to walk off when Jongin says, Joonmyeon half turned around, “Is it because you’re in love with Yifan?” Joonmyeon stops all movement, including breathing, the air caught in the middle of his throat. Soon he’s bent over, coughing hysterically. When he’s recovered, he turns to Jongin and replies, “I’m not in love with Yifan.”

“You kind of are.” This time it’s Chanyeol speaking, whom Joonmyeon had forgotten was there, privy to their whole conversation.

“How would you know?” Joonmyeon questions. His voice is loud, demanding, his head shaking. He can’t fathom why Chanyeol is suddenly now talking to him - he especially can’t understand why they’re talking about him being in love with Yifan. Because he’s not. He’s really not.

“It’s obvious,” is the only explanation Chanyeol offers. Joonmyeons sighs and shakes his head. They’re drunk, he tells himself, before walking off. This is not what he needed. Last thing, really. He has homework to do tomorrow, lots of studying to make up for spending all day out. With Yifan. But because they’re friends. Not because Joonmyeon is in love with Yifan. He’s not. He most fucking definitely is not.

 

Joonmyeon is in love with Yifan. Oops. Joonmyeon isn’t sure why he’s so surprised by this - how it is he hasn’t known all along. Joonmyeon has always just excused his feelings as a crush that wouldn’t leave. And that’s what it was only it’s worse. Because Joonmyeon is in love with his best friend. His best straight friend.

There is no time for Joonmyeon to really dwell on this as his day is filled with homework. He does decline Yifan’s invitation to have lunch, instead just staying in his dorm and eating a loaf of bread (Joonmyeon is not very healthy when he’s stressed (which happens more than he’d like)). He works until late in the night and by the time he’s done, he remembers he hasn’t eaten anything other than bread all day.

He forces himself to leave his dorm, telling himself to just go buy the first food he runs into. He really needs to do grocery shopping, but that’s far too much work for this late at night. He purposefully goes in the opposite direction of Yifan’s dorm in hopes of removing any likelihood of them running into each other. 

And it’s not Yifan he runs into, but rather Chanyeol. He’s far off when Joonmyeon spots him and he’s sure that he can get away - turn some sharp corners, find something to hide his face with - so that he doesn’t have to see the taller boy. With Joonmyeon’s luck, he shouldn’t be surprised that Chanyeol spots him. He is a bit surprised that the boy knows who he is - they only talked twice, very briefly, and once Chanyeol was drunk during.

“Joonmyeon, right?” Chanyeol asks with a smile. Joonmyeon only nods. He doesn’t want to push this conversation are further than it needs to be. Apparently Chanyeol doesn’t get the message and continues, asking, “What’s up?”

“Going to get dinner.”

“Dinner? It’s 11:30.” There is lightness, laughter in Chanyeol’s voice. Joonmyeon isn’t sure if he likes it or not. He’s leaning towards not. Joonmyeon thinks about just sighing and pushing Chanyeol aside so he can leave and get on with his stuff. Like food. Food is all Joonmyeon even cares about right now.

“I have some food in my dorm you can eat. You’ll only be able to find street food this late anyway and I have a feeling you need something more substantial than that.”

Joonmyeon wants to protest - street food is very substantial, thank you very much - but before he can, Chanyeol’s arm is around his shoulder, flipping him around, and pulling him back towards campus. Joonmyeon is confused - everything about Chanyeol confuses him and Joonmyeon does not like it one bit (although he does like the feeling of Chanyeol’s skin against his own).

Chanyeol’s dorm is close to Joonmyeon’s. Not only close, but directly across from each other in apposing buildings. Joonmyeon wonders if he pulls back his curtains if he’ll be able to see Chanyeol’s room. Not that he wants to. But it’d be interesting to find out. A fun fact of sorts.

Joonmyeon settles down on the kitchen table as Chanyeol fumbles through his fridge. Joonmyeon wonders who is roommate is - where they are and such. He hopes they’re not disturbing him, keeping him from something. Joonmyeon hopes he’s not doing this to Chanyeol either, but he reminds himself that it was Chanyeol who had invited him over. Chanyeol pulls out a bunch of things and brings them over to Joonmyeon, along with a spoon and some chopsticks. “Eat,” is all he says before running back into the kitchen.

Slightly hesitant, Joonmyeon follow’s the other’s orders and begins to eat. He starts with rice, which is good, thankfully. As simple as rice may be, it’s easy to mess up, Joonmyeon has found, but this tastes good. He then moves on to the other foods, slowly picking at the few containers that are in front of him. And Joonmyeon is surprised to find they’re all good.

“This is great,” Joonmyeon mutters out a few minutes later, his mouth half full of food. Chanyeol laughs before coming over and sitting down with Joonmyeon at the table. Chanyeol doesn’t say anything, just seems to watch Joonmyeon with a level of intensity that bothers him, but it’s not something he wants to comment on.

“I’m sorry about last night,” Chanyeol finally says minutes later as Joonmyeon is finishing up the last of the rice. 

“Sorry?” he chokes out, spitting rice across the table as he does. “Sorry,” he says again, this time apologizing as he reaches over to clear up his mess. Chanyeol chuckles.

“I was being an ass. I think I just wanted to seem cool, you know? Yifan just talks about you all the time and him and Jongin are my only friends and Jongin got hung up on you, too.” Chanyeol pauses, shaking his head and sighing. “I think I was just a bit jealous.”

“Jealous?” Joonmyeon chokes out again, this time thankfully there is no food in his mouth (as he’s finished eating everything Chanyeol had given him). This was definitely not what Joonmyeon had excepted. To his knowledge, no one has ever been jealous of him before - he can’t imagine why anyone would be. 

“You’re really cool, Joonmyeon. I hope you don’t hate me or anything.” Joonmyeon doesn’t know what to say - while he’d been a little annoyed by Chanyeol, the thought of hating him had never crossed his mind. 

“I don’t. Why would I?” He tries to make his voice sound cool and breezy, but he fears he sounds shaky and shitty and basically is just a personification of everything Joonmyeon is feeling at the moment. He doesn’t understand why he’s even feeling like this. There is no rational reason for this. There is absolutely nothing inside of him or any other normal human being that would be telling him to feel the way he does at this moment in time.

“I’m glad,” is Chanyeol’s reply, his voice is sweet, light, everything Joonmyeon’s wants his to be. Joonmyeon is far from cool in normal circumstances - but he’s even further when compared to Chanyeol, whose smile is enough to cause wars. Joonmyeon suspects, at least - as far as he knows, Chanyeol hasn’t actually caused any wars with his smile.

“Thank you,” Joonmyeon says. “The food was really good.” He stands up, grabbing the containers and takes them into the kitchen. He puts them in the sink and looks for soap so he can clean them. He’s looking around when suddenly Chanyeol is standing behind him, resting his chin on his shoulder.

“I like you,” Chanyeol whispers. It’s light, his breath like a cool breeze against his skin. Joonmyeon chuckles to offset his goosebumps and suddenly racing heart. He tries not to think anything of it - everyone likes Joonmyeon, honestly. What isn’t there to like? Except the whole being gay thing and half of the people he knows being homophobic assholes. But outside of that, everyone loves Joonmyeon. And for good reason.

So he doesn’t think of Chanyeol’s statement as meaning anything. Because it doesn’t. Joonmyeon can’t let himself believe that there is anything at all between him and Chanyeol. He’s already in love with one person he’ll never have a chance with - there’s no reason to make it two.

With Chanyeol’s help, Joonmyeon finds the dish soap and he washes the dishes while Chanyeol dries them. Joonmyeon spends most of the time staring at Chanyeol’s hands; they’re strong, his fingers pretty, his skin looking soft. Joonmyeon finds he enjoys being near Chanyeol, in this silence that doesn’t feel awkward to a very awkward Joonmyeon.

When they’re finished, Chanyeol offers to walk Joonmyeon to his dorm. Joonmyeon explains that it’s just the one over and Chanyeol doesn’t need to go through the effort, but Chanyeol’s response is, “With it so close, I have no excuse not to walk you home.”

It’s this, though, that makes Joonmyeon almost mistake this as a date. It’s not. He knows that - but it feels one, especially when Chanyeol puts his arm around his shoulder once again - and even more so when they get to Joonmyeon and Chanyeol hugs him. Joonmyeon likes the hug more than he should - more than he tells himself he’s allowed to. 

He thinks about the hug as he falls asleep. He thinks about Chanyeol’s smile. He thinks of his hands, his sweet words. Joonmyeon falls asleep with Chanyeol’s “I like you” ringing in his ears.

 

Hanging out with Chanyeol is weird. He’s very touchy. Not that Joonmyeon minds. At all. It’s just strange. Yifan has always been sort of touchy just not to the level Chanyeol is. Joonmyeon can’t walk anywhere with Chanyeol without his arm around him. They hug whenever they meet up and then whenever they leave. They watch movies and Joonmyeon has no other way to describe what they do other than cuddling.

Chanyeol and Joonmyeon cuddling on his dorm couch as they watch some American film Chanyeol loves. It feels like they’re dating. Not that Joonmyeon would really know - he’s never been with anyone and the only person he’s honestly had feelings for is Yifan. He feels like this is what dating is like, though. Holding, touching, cuddling, with cute jokes and sweet words. And Chanyeol likes those, too, often giving Joonmyeon compliments (most of which he feels he doesn’t deserve).

Yifan’s the first to comment on this all, pulling Joonmyeon aside one day a few weeks later. “Am I good matchmaker or what?” he says with a smirk.

Joonmyeon rolls his eyes. “It’s not like we’re not dating.”

“Could have fooled me,” Yifan replies with a chuckle. “I wonder if I should be jealous. You’ll stop hanging out with me and leave me for your new boyfriend.”

“We’re not dating,” Joonmyeon repeats through gritted teeth. He does like the idea of Yifan being jealous; he likes the idea of Yifan being upset over him. He likes it more than he should. He shakes the thoughts, though, as quick as he can. Yifan is smiling down at him before reaching and ruffling his hair.

“Just let me know when you guys start dating.”

“Is he even gay?” Joonmyeon asks, but Yifan has already walked off, waving back at Joonmyeon. He sighs, reaching up to fix his hair. He’s not sure what he wants, really. Well, he knows what he wants. He wants Yifan to realize he’s gay and that he’s in love with Joonmyeon. He wants them to date and hold hands and make out and fuck. Joonmyeon wants that.

He’s not stupid, though. He knows that will never happen. He knows that Yifan is practically in love with Sooyeon; Joonmyeon’s knows too much about Yifan’s sex life (more than he’d honestly like to know) to actually have any real hope or faith or belief that he’s secretly gay. 

So maybe what Joonmyeon wants is Chanyeol. Maybe what he wants is to be loved by someone - loved in ways that Yifan never has, that he never will. And maybe Chanyeol can be that person. Joonmyeon doesn’t know. He doesn’t know much, really. He doesn’t understand people, their motives, their drive. 

He wants to. Joonmyeon wants to understand Chanyeol. He wants to know if each time they touch, he feels electricity. He wants to know if Chanyeol goes home at night and thinks Joonmyeon as he falls asleep. He wants to know what Chanyeol wants. Mostly, Joonmyeon wants to know if Chanyeol wants him.

But that’s not something you bring up in a casual conversation. Joonmyeon imagines them sitting down at lunch, turning to Chanyeol and saying, “Do you want to date me or kiss me or something because wow I think I really want to kiss you.” He imagines it and thinks about doing it for a whole three seconds before throwing the idea away. The last thing he wants is Chanyeol to say no - for Chanyeol to realize that Joonmyeon isn’t cool like he thinks, but rather awkward, a complete mess really. And that’s really the last thing Joonmyeon wants.

 

The problem is, as time goes by, it slowly becomes easier to just not be around Chanyeol. Joonmyeon finds himself drifting back towards Yifan, back to where he feels safe. There is no uncertainty there. And that’s nice. That’s very nice. But that’s all it is - nice. Not good, not great, not so wonderful that Joonmyeon feels like breaking into song (not that he exactly wants that desire). 

Joonmyeon doesn’t know if Yifan has noticed, but he’s grateful he’s not commenting on it. It’s midway through the semester anyway and midterms are coming up. He has enough to worry about with just school alone. Calculous is killing him and he’s worried over his economic test. He tells himself it’s too much work to worry about anything else.

Jongin is great to study with, though, at least for the few classes they have together. Jongin doesn’t talk much and is smarter than Joonmyeon (although Jongin tries to hide it often behind his dumb grins and stuttering words). They get along well and Joonmyeon really does like that they’re friends again, even if it does still feel a bit awkward and forced at times.

It’s a Thursday and Joonmyeon has his macroeconomics midterm in a few hours. Yifan and him have scheduled lunch together, but Joonmyeon’s been waiting at the restaurant for twenty minutes with no word from Yifan. He’s almost ready to leave; he’s not that hungry, really, and he would rather be using his time studying anyway.

Just as he decides to leave, Yifan saunters in, the biggest smile on his face Joonmyeon has ever seen. “Guess what?” he calls from across the room, eyes turning to look at the tall boy with the big smile. Joonmyeon waits to reply until Yifan is sitting down and after Yifan questions again, “Guess what?”

“What?” Joonmyeon says. He tries to have the same bounce and happiness in his voice that Yifan does, but it’s just not there. 

“Sooyeon and I are going out. Like, dating. Can you believe it?” And Joonmyeon can’t. He doesn’t know why. Yifan and Sooyeon have always been a good fit - she’s cold and Yifan is just awkward enough to warm her up. They’re both gorgeous, too, and enjoy dying their hair pretty shades of blonde. Joonmyeon wonders if he’s just surprised that Yifan finally got around to asking her out - actually asking her out, not just joking around about how good they would be together.

Or maybe Joonmyeon can’t believe that Yifan is getting what he wants. That the boy he loves - fuck, Joonmyeon hates to think about this - is going to be with the person he loves. And it’s not him. “Excuse me,” Joonmyeon croaks out and stands up, dashing out. He leaves his backpack and while his original plan was just to go the bathroom, Joonmyeon finds himself leaving the restaurant and running. 

He runs and he runs and he doesn’t know why or where he’s going but he doesn’t want to be there with Yifan. He doesn’t want to think about him and Sooyeon. Joonmyeon wants to be happy for his best friend; he wants to give him a high five and tell him congrats or something equally lame and cheesy. Instead he’s running away, his head shaking, his stomach queasy. 

And he runs and he runs until he runs into Chanyeol. Literally, his head hitting the boy’s chest, who quickly reacts, wrapping his arms around him. And Joonmyeon is soon crying for he reasons he wishes he wasn’t. Joonmyeon wants to be strong; he wants to be smart and cool; he wants to be someone that isn’t him. 

But he’s all he’s got. Joonmyeon is stuck as himself and even if he works and changes things about himself, he’s still him. He’s still Joonmyeon. And that scares him a bit. Then again, everything scares Joonmyeon at this point. He continues to cry against Chanyeol and wishes he was anywhere else, that it was anyone else that was seeing him completely break down.

When he’s finally slightly composed, his eyes no lying running (but his nose still is slightly), Joonmyeon looks up and sees a look on Chanyeol’s face he’s never seen before - worry. It’s a face Joonmyeon doesn’t care for at all - so he reaches up and pulls at the corners of Chanyeol’s mouth until it appears he’s smiling. 

“That’s better,” he says. Chanyeol chuckles and then reaches up and does the same thing to Joonmyeon until they’re both supporting fake smiles. Joonmyeon laughs a bit as well, which makes Chanyeol laugh - which only leads to Joonmyeon laughing more. Soon they’re both laughing more than needed, their hands abandoned from each other’s faces. They’re actually smiling now, though, and it’s good. Things with Chanyeol are good.

“What’s wrong?” Chanyeol asks a few minutes later. They’ve since moved over to an open area, sitting on the grass in a field on campus. They’d sat down and immediately Chanyeol had placed Joonmyeon’s head on his shoulder. 

“You were right, you know,” Joonmyeon mumbles. “I’m in love with Yifan.”

“I know,” Chanyeol whispers.

“I don’t want to be.”

“I know,” Chanyeol coos again.

“I want to be in love with you,” Joonmyeon says, his voice so soft and quiet he can barely hear it himself. He’s not sure if Chanyeol hears it as the boy is silent. Joonmyeon isn’t totally sure how much he means what he said. Joonmyeon doesn’t lie so he obviously does. Being in love with Chanyeol just seems so easy, so good, so everything loving Yifan hasn’t been.

“I might be in love with you.” Once again, Joonmyeon’s voice is small, soft, almost incomprehensible. “I’m probably not. But I think I might be close.”

Chanyeol chuckles and reaches up, running his hand though Joonmyeon’s soft hair. “I like you,” Chanyeol says. It’s something he’s told Joonmyeon so many times - more times than Joonmyeon can count, more than he’d care to remember. But his voice sounds different this time, Joonmyeon can’t place what the change it, but he knows it’s there.

“I really like you,” Chanyeol speaks again. He shifts, causing Joonmyeon to lift his head up. Chanyeol smiles and grabs hold of Joonmyeon’s face, tracing the sides of his face, until he cups the boy’s chin in his hands. 

And then they’re kissing. And kissing Chanyeol is weird. Joonmyeon is used to kissing drunk older guys at bars. He’s used to kissing people he doesn’t care about - guys who don’t care about him. But that’s not Chanyeol in any form. He can feel love in the kiss, it’s more tender, sweeter. Joonmyeon reaches down, pressing his hands against his chest. He can feel Chanyeol’s heartbeat, beating faster than normal. He can feel his own racing in his chest.

“I like kissing you,” Chanyeol mutters when they part. Joonmyeon giggles and nods, agreeing.

“So does this mean we’re dating?” Joonmyeon questions a moment later. Chanyeol laughs.

“We kind of already were, you know. But now I just get to kiss you whenever I want.”

“Whenever you want? What if I don’t want to kiss you?” 

“Oh,” Chanyeol responds, looking down. He chuckles and then says, his voice a little shaky, “I wasn’t trying to assume, I just thought…”

Joonmyeon smiles and lifts Chanyeol’s head up. “I was kidding. You can kiss me all you want.”

“Like now?” Chanyeol replies, perking up.

“Like now.” As soon as the words leave Joonmyeon’s lips, Chanyeol’s are atop his and Joonmyeon is melting and falling. He’s falling for Chanyeol. He’s falling hard and fast and, possibly for the first time in his whole life, Joonmyeon isn’t worried about the crash.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted September 29, 2013, [here](http://best-lies.livejournal.com/12352.html).


End file.
